When I received an accident settlement I purchaced a CD with what was left after I bought the children, who had been wearing second hand cloths most of thier lives, new wardrobes. It was the first time in 13 years I had any money to call my own. I had been going for marital counceling on my own since Mr. "there's nothing wrong with our marriage except she lets the kids go inthe refrigerater and I don't want them to" wouldn't go.
Although my Docter and Ministers thought counceling would be constructive, it was anything but. I was developing a back bone and for the first time standing up for myself. I was also was litterally the final blow, and I knew I had to get out while I was still breathing. I honestly didn't have the money or the energy to fight for the house and a legnthly court battle. I was emotionally drained and just wanted the night mare over. I had barely enough for a lawyer to represent me in a no fault divorce. When his attorney informe me that they will allow me to stay in the house for no more than a year and keep the furnishings in lue of child support, I had to fight to keep what was rightfully mine. Hubby was trying to take everything and leave me and the children with no place to live, furnishings and no financial support what so ever.
I was foolish enough to believe that divorce would end the night mare I had been living for the past thirteen years. Silly me! Little did I known then, but I would have to spend the next 17 years in and out of court trying to get him to pay his child support. He went to great lengths to avoid his responsibility from not working at all to accusing me of kidnapping when I, with his knowledge and blessings moved with our youngest son to Florida.
After the Tuxedo house was sold, I bought a mobile home with my share in a community in Monroe where single parent households were more common. The kids were adjusting to their new schools and friends. Because Mr. Tight wad wouldn't cough up the five bucks a year to renew my beautitians license I didn't have that all important trade to fall back on any more. I found a job at a hardware store that supplemented the child support nicely. We were living quite well, until some idiot at work told him without a court ordered support he didn't have to pay. He was sure since I didn't have money for a lawyer, and would have to pay his fees I wouldn't fight it and he wouldn't have to pay any more. What he didn't know that the same day I was informed he was not going to pay child support any more, I was told I needed major surgery and may have cancer and lost my job to boot!. I called Social Services who not only gave me financial assistance, and Nurses AId Home Health Aid training they took his sorry butt to court!
Mother, trying to keep me from divorcing Mr. Not-so-wonderful, always warned me "no man wants to raise another man's children." However, I was married to a man who didn't want or support his own children. My children were starved for a father's affection, not to mention my own needs. My Prince charming turned out to be a real toad! We weren't in our new place too long before I met my second husband. My Knight in shinning armor coming to rescue me from the muck and mire.
He described himself as a father without kids. I had kids without a father, and he lived right next door! Oh this has to be 'meant to be'! He lavished all sorts of attention on all of us. Buying me gifts for no reason at all, taking us on drives where we'd have picnics and go exploring. He became the father my children never had and so desperately needed, he was their Uncle Daddy! He was my should mate! My daughter was always leary of his motives, but, being able to charm the spots off of a leopard, he soon won her over.
We had a lovely wedding in our rented bi-level home, we went to a local motel for a honeymoon night. His daughter Jess, who came to be in the wedding, stayed. Her mother told us that she had been holding on to his daughter for the past 12 years in hopes she would get him back. Since it appears that is not going to happen, "take her, she's yours!" Her arrival caused a quite a disruption and she was not at all a happy camper.
I was so over whelmed with four kids and maintaining our 4 bedroom home and working I found myself doing all the work while he had all the fun with the children. I felt shut out, but they so needed a father's companionship I put my feelings aside. However, hind sight is 20/20 and if I had any idea that he had his own agenda and wooed and courted me only to gain access to my children I never would have given him a second glance.
I was so ego beaten with no self esteem by the first husband I was blind sided by the lavish attention he showered upon me and my children I simply couldn't see through his manipulative scheme. I never saw his true personality until after the wedding. The change was immediate. He had spent many months building my ego up and then spent the next 18 months trying to knock it down. I went from Ms. Can't do anything wrong' to Mrs. Can't do anything right' overnight.
I learned that he had serious issues with his mother and he felt by marring me with a ready made family and providing a home for his daughter would make her proud but, she was proud alright but gave me the credit. From that moment on things rapidly deteriorated and to him I was the enemy and he was determined to make my life so miserable I would leave but without the children. He manipulated the children into believing that they will all starve to death in two weeks if I divorced him and encouraged them to stay with him.
A few months into the marriage he started reviling things about his past and himself that made me question if I really knew this man that I married. When his former choir director was brought up on molestation charges, he defended him as "a man who was simply giving them the love their fathers never showed them." I honestly didn't know that such people existed nor that men who who were molested as children molested children when they became men. It never occurred to me that my boys were in jeopardy or that I was married to a pedafile.
My concerns were more focused on his and my 12 year old daughters. He had told me that his X wife had given him permission to "have his way' with their daughter when she was 18 and he hadn't made up his mind if he would or not. He also informed me that he lusted after his 15 year old niece and would "do here" if she were to visit. I was concerned for the girls, never in a million years did it occur to me he was interested in my boys too!
Although things were falling apart I believed we could get back what we had. He would give me these insane suggestions as to how to save our marriage. Once he reminded me that I was 40, and when people look at me they see 40, he needs for me to look and be 20 so people would look at him and see 20! (He had eyes for a 20 year old in our church so I assume if I didn't become 20 like he so desperately needed, then he's be justified to take up with her. The last night of our marriage he said he read when a lack of exercise caused mental confusion and that my lack of oversize was causing him mental confusion and if I wanted to save the marriage I had 60 seconds to get out and walk 15 miles! As hard as he tried to get me to leave, I tried harder to get us back to where we were, never realizing where we were was never real. Apparently, his intentions were all along to marry me and then make my life so miserable I would leave, only that he'd keep the kids. He stormed out of the house when I refused his ridiculous ultimatum only to return to demand I leave and leave the kids behind. I refused, demanding he leave if he was so miserable. He was outraged and would later tell the judge he was acting in self defence by attacking the children. I apologize for being so naive to the perverted ways of the world.
Once again I set about trying to rebuild our lives. It was incredibly difficult to be both father and mother to my children. I was raised to be a June Cleaver not Ward! I was forced to work many jobs for many long hours and my relationship with my children suffered. For that and that alone I will never forgive either one of my husbands.
My children can blame me all they want but I was every bit the victim as my they were. All I eve wanted was a happy ever after with my prince and our children. I was betrayed and deceived by the ones who were supposed to love, honor and protect me. My dreams were shattered and my children and I have been permanently scared.
One by one my children left to start their own lives. I worked many jobs from hairdressing to driving a fork lift. I was a janitor and a chambermaid. But not excluding hairdressing, I enjoyed my years as a home health aid. I always loved being a home maker and caring for my family and now I am getting paid for it. In a world where it takes two incomes to run one house hold I had to work double shifts just to make monthly expenses.
I have always had to work long and hard and I often feel I am just watching my life pass me by. Even when I had to take a leave of absence to care for my ailing father I found myself still committed to responcibility and unable to enjoy what is left of my life.
Ironically, the best times in my life were between the hours of 7:30 a.m and 4:30 p.m when the first was at work and I was involved in school, church and scouts. My children were my world and I did my best to make their world as happy as I could given the restricions and limataions put upon me.